Sometimes even after we have mastered a new story—or new set of thoughts about ourselves, others or something that has happened–and are going about our lives living it joyfully, the old story resurfaces.  And, not surprisingly when the old story comes back, so do the problems it creates.  

There are a few common ways we respond when an old problem or old story re-surfaces.

Anxiety

Sometimes we get anxious about it worrying about all the ramifications of it and remembering how miserable we were with that old story.  We start resisting it and trying to get rid of it as soon as possible.  Ironically, the more we stress out about the new story, the deeper it becomes entrenched. 

Be-Rate Ourselves

We might berate ourselves.  We think, “What’s wrong with me?”  I thought I had figured this out.  I conquered this.  Why am I dealing with this again?  This type of self-talk feels helpful in some way because it feels like somehow, we can convince ourselves to square up and fix things.  The problem is that we can never beat ourselves up into feeling better. All it does is diminish our strength to continue in our new story.  Be-rating ourselves only slows down the process of healing.  

Feel Tempted

Often our “old stories” are easier.  They take less effort.  That’s why we “wrote” them in the first place.  It can be easy to fall back into them.  If it’s something we feel some shame about—maybe a habit we’re not proud of or something that affects others we may be inclined to hide the fact that our story is back.  However, hiding often leads to more thinking and more doing of the behavior.  Soon it has become our story again.  

What to Do Instead: Expect It

One of the reason that the story affects us is that we don’t expect it to come back. It takes us off guard. One of our most powerful weapons against the story is to expect it. If we know it will come, we won’t be surprised and thrown off center when it shows up.

What to Do Instead: Have Confidence

The most powerful and effective response is to simply approach our old story with confidence.  Shut the door.  Don’t make it mean anything about you that it came back.  Don’t add drama to it.  Don’t try it out again.   Just note that your brain is offering you the old story.  You can just recognize it, and move forward with the better story.  Your conversation with yourself might sound something like this, “Oh, there’s that old story again.   Now I believe __________.”  Re-direct to your new story.  And be done with it.  

What to Do Instead: For Persistent Stories

Sometimes our stories will retreat with their tail between their legs when we act with confidence and move forward.  But sometimes they don’t.  When this happens, it’s easy to feel discouraged and defeated.  But it’s important to know that stories can co-exist. It’s possible for the old story to be present and the new story to be present and you can choose to focus on the new story.  

For example, you could be in a room of people with someone you don’t enjoy, and someone you do enjoy.  The person you choose to spend the evening with will probably determine the difference between your experience that evening.  If the old story sticks around, just treat it like someone you don’t enjoy much.  Be kind and acknowledge it, but move quickly on to the story you DO enjoy.  Not resisting is key.  When we resist, we give the story power over us.  But not resisting is NOT the same as sinking back into the story.  You can allow it to hang out without giving it power.  

My Old Story

I experienced depression for about 10 years off and on. It was miserable for me and my family. I tried many things to try to feel better.  Finally, I was able to get some medicine, some counseling, some amazing miracles from heaven, and eventually some life coaching.   Over the past few years, I have gotten to a really healthy place.  I can honestly say I feel great most of the time. 

Anxiety About the Old Story Coming Back 

A few months ago, a series of discouraging events occurred and I started noticing some signs of depression creeping in.  As it got worse I started feeling anxiety about it: I started stressing thinking about how hard it was on me and my family. 

Be-Rating Myself

The more I worried, the worse my depression got I became irritable and frustrated—then I felt guilty.  I began to be-rate myself; I thought I knew how to conquer this.  What happened.  Did I think I had gotten over it when I hadn’t really?  What’s wrong with me? 

Being Tempted Back to the Old Story

I even found myself sleeping a little longer, feeling sorry for myself and starting to sink deeper into depression.  I noticed some old thinking patterns creeping back in.  

Hope

I wasn’t sure how to get out of my funk.  One day I knelt down and prayed.  The answer I got was immediate when I stood up from my prayers.  It was, “You know the tools to handle your depression, use them.”  In all my personal drama about the depression coming back, I had totally overlooked all the amazing tools I knew about. I instantly felt hope.

Confidence

Instead of resisting the depression, I embraced it.  “I know how to do depression I thought.”  I got this. I knew some massive self-care was in order.  Just like if I had the flu.  Instead of pushing harder, I needed to slow down.  I needed to re-fuel.   

I also needed to examine what was in my mind. Because it wasn’t yielding a helpful result.  I got out a piece of paper and wrote down all the thoughts I could think of.   Not surprisingly most of them were negative about myself and my family and our circumstances.  

Using the Tools

I recognized that I needed to do two things.  I knew I needed to process some emotion—for some disappointing and painful things that had happened and I had just plugged along through them.  And, I realized   I needed to look at my thoughts.  My thoughts were not creating helpful results—they were causing me to spiral down deeper to other negative thoughts about myself and others and life.  

Eventually Conquering the Old Story

I applied some of the tools I’ve shared in other blog posts and some other tools to bust some of my thoughts open, turn some over and disregard others.  It took some time, but with less resistance, more self-care, processing emotions and working through my thoughts, slowly my depression began to lift.  

How to Handle the Old Story When It Comes Back

Plan that it will. Old stories usually re-surface. Then you won’t be surprised when it does.  Then be careful not to resist it or panic, or make it mean anything about your, or fall back into it.  Instead, approach it with confidence.  Use the tools that helped you get out of the story the first time.  Usually processing emotion and cleaning out your brain will get you pretty far.  Be patient. Stories with a past like to stay and reminisce.  Just make sure you’re carrying on a different party in your mind and you don’t get re-entangled.