I used to work in the nutrition field.  One of the first things we taught clients was how to read a nutrition label.  The label helped clients identify whether or not the food was a good choice to eat.  For example, my heart patients would pay attention to the quantities of fat and fiber in the food.  The labels were a tool that enabled patients to identify which foods they should eat.

However, in the years since I worked with clients I have learned something about labels and “nutritionism” as Michael Pollan calls it.  A person can get so wrapped up in looking at the label—they miss the big picture. 

Let me give you an example.  Salt can increase blood pressure in some people.   A person could easily pick up a box of Fruit Loops and see that there is a low amount of salt in it.  If the person only used this label in decision making, they might think Fruit Loops were a healthy choice!  

Obviously—even though the cereal is low in sugar, it is not going to be a beneficial food choice for anyone, but especially someone with high blood pressure.  

Why We Like Labels 

We often label ourselves. Labels serve an important purpose; they help us understand ourselves and others.  However, like nutrition labels, the labels we put on ourselves can misguide us at times if we aren’t looking at the whole picture.  First, it’s important to understand how labels we put on ourselves serve us.  Then we’ll look at how labels can hurt us.  Finally we’ll discuss how to choose labels that serve us and drop the ones that don’t.

Labels Help Us Feel Like We Aren’t Weird

Most of us come wired with a brain that believes something about us is different or weird in some way. We hold onto that secret fear that the part of us that feels different might make us unlovable to some people. Labels are a tool we often use to validate ourselves and feel like we’re part of a larger group of people who are the same.  

Some examples of labels that we may use to validate ourselves might be; “I’m a germaphobe.” We recognize that we might be more worried about germs than others.  Labeling ourselves as this allows us to feel that this is normal and fine and many people share this tendency.  Another is example I heard in college sometimes was, “I’m a nerd.”  What they meant was, “I know I study a lot, or read a lot or am super smart.  But, there’s nothing wrong with me—I’m one of many people who shares this same set of characteristics.

Labels Help Us Understand Ourselves and Others

Labels can help us understand others more quickly.  The brain wants to make sense of people as quickly as possible so it can determine if others are a threat, a benefit or simply neutral.  As we all know, it takes time to get to know people, so the brain looks for short-cuts in order to make preliminary decisions.  One of the ways we do this is through labels because labels package together a large quantity of information in a succinct way.  For example, if someone tells me they are Japanese, or they are a doctor, we immediately have some information to understand this person better.  This is because we have certain characteristics associated with these groups. These labels allow me to understand myself and others better in a quick format.  

Labels Help Us Communicate

Labels help us communicate to others what is important to us.  For example, when someone says they are a Christian or a democrat, we automatically understand some of their value system or practices.  These labels imply that the person values certain things.  

Finally, labels help us describe our experiences.  Someone might say, “I’m a night owl” to communicate they often feel more energy at night. Or, they might say, “I’m a messy person” to express that they don’t put things away frequently.  “I’m a hugger” to express that they like hugs.  These types of labels help us understand what types of habits, preferences or self-perception a person may have.  

The Label I Put On Myself

I had an interesting discussion with my husband the other day.  We were talking about what helps us feel most connected to each other.  I said with confidence that my love language was words of affirmation.  This is true. I feel most connected with others through meaningful conversation.  However, my husband’s love language is different.  It is helpful to understand how he experiences connection.  Then I can better understand what is meaningful to him.  And,   not be offended if he chooses to connect in a different way.  I can also seek out what type of connection is meaningful to me.  

The Label I Took Off Myself

However, the next day I had a realization.  I’m not sure this label was helping me anymore.  Feeling like I connect through conversation and he connects in a different way highlighted that we are different.  It makes me feel like we’re missing each other in some ways.  It occurred to me that the truth is, I feel loved and show love in many ways.  I am really a love language polyglot.  Putting a label on myself in this case was actually limiting my ability to connect with my husband because I was thinking about my needs vs. his needs instead of just enjoying the myriad of ways to connect.  

While labels can serve a helpful purpose, it’s essential to realize that labels do not communicate the whole story.  And, that we can grow out of labels and change—and that labels may not serve us. 

Labels Are Divisive

Because labels allow us to associate ourselves with or others with particular groups—their very nature is exclusive.  Labels mean we’re part of a group and others are not.  Labels point out how we are the same as some people, but different than others. While this may allow us to understand ourselves or others better, it can also serve to separate us.  

For example, without even knowing each other if one person is Muslim, and another is Jewish—they automatically recognize they are different, and perhaps they recognize parts of themselves that conflict.  The labels serve to separate them.  This is an interesting phenomenon because that particular label is only one piece of them. The person may have much in common with the other person.  But, the label divides them.  Like the cereal box—judging someone by a label may be misleading.  

Labels Are Limiting

While labels start out helping move us forward because we understand ourselves, they can also limit our growth.  When we view labels like permanent facts, they become like a glass ceiling which limits us. Labels can become the filters through which we see ourselves and others.  When we continue to SEE ourselves in this way, we continue to act and interpret life in the same way.  So, we are limited in how much we can change and evolve because we think certain things are “just the way they are.”  

For example, if someone sees themselves as disorganized they will likely try to find solutions to accommodate their “weakness,” such as bins or a storage area or a tile to find lost items rather than changing their characteristic and becoming an organized person.  Labels can feel permanent and unchangeable.

When we don’t see a possibility of change we tend to work around it instead of changing it.  Like the cereal box label, if we look only at food with labels we may feel limited in our choices.  We may not even realize that fruits and vegetables that come with no labels are some of the healthiest food around!  

Labels Aren’t Facts

The truth is most labels are NOT facts.  Labels are choices.  For example, the label “I’m a talker,” might be something the person has a history of being. However, they could become “a listener” if they made a deliberate choice to become something different.  Another example is someone who says, “I’m just bad with money.”  This is not a helpful label.  It is just enabling the person to continue to be bad with money.  

Like cereal boxes, labels only indicate some of the information about the nutrition of the cereal. It’s usually information that can be scientifically quantified.  Obsessing on the label with only give you data on what has been measured.  Just because the actual numbers on a label may be true, doesn’t mean you can characterize a food as “healthy” or “not healthy” based on the label.  

Labels are Removable

Just like sticky price labels that come on jars or products, the labels we have placed on ourselves are removable.  You don’t have to be “a late person,” “a kind person,” “a bad cook,” “a mediocre pianist.” 

Some people like to argue that you can’t just take off a label when you demonstrate the behavior that fits in the category.  I would argue the opposite.  Often removing the label first, can be a helpful way to change the behavior itself. What if you just re-labeled yourself “an on-time person,” or a “loyal friend.”  

I had always labeled myself as “just a choir-person, not a soloist.”  A few years ago, my friend Kelly Linton invited me to be a soloist in a choir performance for our church.  I told her I wasn’t a soloist.  She really encouraged me and I did it.  It shattered my old label and I realized I COULD be a soloist.  

How to Remove a Label

Because, as we’ve discussed, labels can be useful—it’s important to examine each label you have put on yourself.  Ask yourself questions such as how is this label serving me?  Do I like this label?  Is this label true?  What label do I want?  Use the answers to these questions to determine if you want to keep the labels you have given yourself.  

Most labels are a choice about what you believe about yourself they are not indisputable facts. You don’t need permission to re-label yourself.  You don’t need a long process to apply for removal.  You simply decide you aren’t going to believe and act that way anymore. You decide you’re going to label yourself as something else…or nothing at all.  Then live into your new identity.

Don’t Judge Yourself by Old Labels

Just as a cereal box nutrition label doesn’t tell the whole story about the nutrition of a particular food, the labels we put on ourselves don’t tell the whole story about us either.   Sometimes the stories the labels tell about us are incomplete, wrong or just optional.  

How to Use Labels to Help Instead of Hurt Yourself

1. Make a list of labels about yourself (positive and negative).
2. Examine the result they are creating for you and your relationships.  Here are a few questions you can ask:
   1. Does this label connect me to others? 
   1. Do I like this label?
   1. Have I outgrown any of those labels?
   1. Are any of them only partly true?
3. Decide which ones you want to keep and which ones you want to get rid of.  Remember you don’t need a label for every area of your life.  
4. Live into your new self.