Confidence is how we feel about ourselves. It sets the stage for everything we do, and determines how well we will do it. It also determines how we feel and how we interact with others. Having self confidence is worth a high price.
How the Chinese Understand Confidence
The direct translation of the word “confidence” in Chinese is, “a person who believes their own words and stands by them.”
信心
I love the way the Chinese define confidence–I think it’s insightful to learn how other cultures construct meanings of concepts. We DO feel confidence when we can trust ourselves to do what we say we will do.
Believing Ourselves
Many times a day we talk to ourselves—sometimes we make informal kinds of resolutions without thinking about it: “I’m so tired, I’ve got to get to bed earlier tonight.” or “I really should take dinner to my neighbor.” Other times we promise ourselves specific things. For example, “I will lose 10 lbs.” or “I am not going to yell at my kids again.”
The way we follow through on our goals, aspirations and promises begins to add up to how we see ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. We quickly learn if we can really believe what we say to ourselves.
If you think about it—it’s the same as any other relationship we have. If I agree with a friend to go to the gym at a certain time each morning and she doesn’t show up, I lose confidence that she will come. If I see that my child rarely responds the first time I ask them to put their shoes on, I stop counting on the fact that they will do it. The same is true for ourselves.
Sometimes it feels less urgent to follow through on our own promises to ourselves because we rationalize, “it isn’t hurting anyone else, right?” Wrong. When we don’t follow through on promises to ourselves, we lose confidence and self-respect. Confidence is the foundation for all of our relationships, our contributions in the world, and our ability to bless others. It matters.
Keep Your Promises to Yourself
One way to build confidence is to make a simple promise yourself, and follow through. For example, a few months ago I decided I wanted to run a 5k race. I knew that meant I would need to work up slowly since I hadn’t run in many years—so I mapped out a plan for increasing my distance a little each month. I have tried to honor that commitment just like I would honor a commitment to a friend. I started with .5 miles. Each month I have increased the distance a little bit.
Last week, it was rainy and cold. I hate running in the cold, so I didn’t go running on my usual morning. Instead I did weights promising myself I’d go the next day. But the next day my girls were sick and it felt too hard to get out. Then Saturday was busy and pretty soon several days had gone by without running. My one little quit made it SO easy to get derailed. Of course, it wasn’t the end of the world, and I just got back on track the next week, but I was disappointed in myself and lost a little of my self-respect knowing I could have gone running even though it was a little uncomfortable.
This morning as I was getting ready to run, my muscles felt tight, and my husband mentioned he needed to leave a little early for work which meant I less time for my run. My brain kept suggesting I could just walk today, or I could do a shorter distance so I wouldn’t have to run faster to get back in time. But, I decided I wanted to honor my commitment to myself. I set my mind to running and decided I wouldn’t stop till my GPS said 3 miles. I really had to book it to make it back in the time I had. But, I did it! I had such a feeling of satisfaction when I saw my GPS clock 3.0 miles this morning. Talk about a hit of self-respect!
I was able to train and run my race. It was incredible to look back and see the incremental progress I made as I stuck to my pain regardless of how I felt. When I lost focus or had little quits, I got back to the plan. It felt amazing to finish the race. Not only did my confidence in running improve, but I learned that I can trust myself to set goals to do hard things and follow through. I know I can count on myself. That is true confidence.
Be Confident
How would you rate your confidence on a scale of 1 to 10?
To increase your confidence, promise yourself to do something small, and follow through. Every time. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even when things come up. You will be surprised at the incredible self-respect you begin to develop.