People are like artichokes: they are more than they seem on the outside. It often requires effort to peel away the layers and get to the tender heart of who someone really is.
Getting to the Artichoke Heart
I didn’t have my first freshly cooked artichoke until I was in my 20’s. Honestly, they always looked spiny and intimidating to me. I wasn’t sure how to approach them, so I never did. A friend of mine found out I’d never had one, and invited me over to learn the art of preparing and eating an artichoke.
I was amazed at the effort it took to prepare them! First we had to cut off each of the spines on the outside leaves and trim the top and spine. After boiling, we pulled off each leaf one by one. With our teeth we scraped tiny amounts of soft, pulpy meat on each of the petals. As we got closer to the heart, the amount of meat on each petal become more robust.
According to my friend, before we could get to the best part, which was the heart, we had to cut off the fibrous pillow sitting on top of the heart called the choke. It seemed well named—as I couldn’t imagine doing anything BUT choking on the wiry mess. The artichoke heart was a tender, juicy, almost nutty flavor. Bathed in lemon butter, it was pretty close to heaven. It was a lot of work to get to the center—but it was worth the effort.
People Have Many Layers
Humans are a lot like artichokes—everyone has many “layers.” As people experience pain they learn how to protect themselves. Some do it through avoidance, others through sarcasm or pretending to be nonchalant, while some patronize or criticize others when they feel threatened. People think these thorns will protect themselves against being hurt by others. Like an artichoke, their rough outsides do provide protection—but they also keep others from seeing who they REALLY are, and being able to connect heart to heart.
People Can Be Prickly to Defend Their Vulnerabilities
People who are the roughest on the outside are sometimes the easiest to dismiss or avoid. However, like the big, thorny artichokes in the market that are frequently tossed aside, these people are often the most tender and rewarding on the inside.
Peeling Away The Prickles
During college, I taught life skills at the local prison for several months. I was idealistic and anxious to change the world. But, I confess I began to get a bit nervous as we went through one security door after another and we entered a room full of convicts. Most of them stared at us with rough expressions. Many were covered in tattoos, including on their face and hands. None of them looked like they wanted to be there. I took a deep breath.
As the prisoners introduced themselves, I became more and more grateful there were two security guards posted outside the door. I discovered that several of the men had committed serious crimes. To me they were a room full of big artichokes covered in spines and VERY intimidating.
As I introduced myself, I could see on their faces their disgust and disinterest in listening to some plucky, do-gooder college girl who did not understand anything about their lives or needs. The tension was thick and I felt a little nauseated.
I began going through the lesson material, which thankfully had lots of questions, discussion, and hands-on activities. Even in that first class, I began to glimpse contradictions. While at first many members of the class were sarcastic, uninterested, and even brash, I began to notice their thoughtfulness, engagement, and wisdom as the class went on.
Courage
It took some courage to go back again the next week. There were lots of spines and prickles again, but I found them slightly less intimidating. At the beginning of the class one man still refused to participate at all, but as we continued to talk even he softened and even smiled.
Curiosity
As the weeks went on I began to be sincerely curious about each of the people in my class. Who were they? Where did they come from? What was their family life like growing up? What did they think about, hope for, believe in? So I asked questions. I started peeling back their layers one by one. I began to see that their criminal behavior often stemmed from pain others had created for them. As I learned more, I began to sincerely care about them and my judgment began to evaporate.
Genuine Love and Concern
The more the prisoners felt my genuine interest and concern, the more they felt safe to share. Each week we peeled away more layers and over time some of the obvious labels I had attached to these people began to peel off. Instead of thinking of one man as a criminal, I thought of him as simply the warm-hearted man who smiled often and cracked jokes when things got too tense. I thought of another as the one who offered soft, but thoughtful insights to the class.
One week before I started class, one of the inmates told me something I’ve never forgotten. Apparently some of the other inmates (not in the class) were ribbing the class members and telling them that they should take advantage of me and my co-teacher. My student quickly stood up for me and became angry. He told his fellow inmates he would never do that, and if that man tried anything he’d personally beat him to a pulp.
Getting to the Heart
I was floored. How had they changed from being annoyed and disinterested to showing this fierce loyalty? By peeling away the layers little by little. I had glimpsed for just a minute this man’s soft, tender heart—the prize at the end of the layers.
Getting to the heart is never quick or easy. It requires courage, patience, curiosity, and genuine concern and love. It requires choosing to drop labels and seeing others differently. It requires surviving some thorny prickles. But it is worth it. Getting to the heart is pretty close to getting to heaven.
Get to the Heart of An Artichoke In Your Life
Who is a prickly person in you life that you’re tempted to avoid or even re-act to? A child, a spouse, an in-law, a check-out attendant, a colleague.
Try peeling back some of the layers this week by asking genuine questions. Try dropping labels you may have for them. Try assuming the best about them. Notice if you start to get closer to their heart.