My husband is returning to China for work and we are staying in the US.  We aren’t sure when we’ll be able to join him, and life feels a bit uncertain.

We’ve traveled all over the world together–and we usually undertake adventures together. So being on our own is a new adventure.

What Ifs Keep Us Stuck

My brain wants to focus on what might happen if he gets sick in his travels, or if China doesn’t open it’s borders and we can’t get back to be with my husband for a long time. 

But spending head space worrying about what might happen doesn’t help me feel better.  It actually does the opposite, it keeps me stuck feeling terrible. 

Uncertainty Then and Now

For many people for many reasons, life feels more uncertain during COVID-19. This pandemic has our brains paralyzed in uncertainty. 

But is life really more uncertain now than it was before? Pre-COVID-19, we could still get sick, lose a loved one, have plans canceled, or lose a job anytime. But we didn’t sit around worrying about negative possibilities.

However, during the pandemic we do spend occupy our brains replaying what ifs about the future.

Moving Forward

What can we learn about how to move forward during uncertainty by looking back to when we felt like life was more certain?

We made plans even though we knew they could be cancelled.  We loved others knowing we could lose them at any time.  We kept working hard even though it was possible we could lose our job.

Making a New Certain

One way through uncertainty is to accept the current circumstances as the new certain.

If we assume that wearing masks, having less money, working from home, doing distance learning and not socializing in person were permanent, we might act differently.

Now IS Certain

Similarly, rather than focus on all the negative possibilities that could happen with my husband leaving, I’ve been trying to focus on what I can do and who I want to be now. I’ve been thinking how to support my husband during this time, how to strengthen our marriage from a distance, and how to be the best mom I can for my kids here—because that IS what’s certain now. 

It feels better to be moving forward figuring out how to make a less than ideal reality better, rather than stuck in uncertainty about what could happen.

How to Move Forward in Uncertainty

If you want to spend less headspace on uncertainty, accept the current situation as certain and decide how you want to act and who you want to be within it. 

Because that IS something you can be certain of.