Recently I felt REALLY overwhelmed. I had a LOT going on and our family has had some changes that have made things extra busy recently.  One day I wrote out my to-do list and it was 2 pages long with double columns on both sides! I didn’t even know where to start! It felt so discouraging and frankly it seemed impossible to get everything done.  

Most of us think overwhelm is just the natural result of having a lot to do.  We think of it as a noun or an adjective—something that happens to us or describes our situation.   

I want to invite you to think about overwhelm differently—think about overwhelm as a verb.  We “overwhelm” (v.) when we choose to spend time thinking about and worrying about what we have to do, complaining that it’s hard, we don’t have time, or we shouldn’t have to do it.

Why We Overwhelm (v.)

It’s important to consider why our brain does what it does.  Usually the brain has a very good reason for causing us to feel overwhelmed.  

1.  The brain wants to keep us from failing.  When the brain sees large demand and limited resources it worries we might fail. So, the brain turns on “overwhelm.”  This keeps us from trying (or at least trying our hardest) by using the brain space thinking about how hard something is.  The brain thinks this is useful because it thinks if we never try, we can never fail.
2. The brain also wants to conserve energy. When it sees the long list or the hard task it knows that is going to require effort.  As miserable as feeling overwhelmed is, the brain prefers it to having to exert energy.  So, it’s easier to avoid it by keeping us worried about it.  

The Irony of Overwhelming (v.)

You may have already noticed, that this is quite ironic.  The brain is overwhelming (negative emotion) to avoid feeling another negative emotion (disappointment from failing or discomfort from exerting energy). 

1. When we overwhelm (v.), we fail ahead of time because we never try (or at least not with our whole energy and focus).  
2. When we overwhelm (v.) we also exhaust ourselves with worry and don’t have energy left for doing the task! 

Our brains don’t recognize the irony until afterwards.  

Overwhelm is a Choice

Just like any other action or verb we choose to do, overwhelming (v.) is a choice.  The things we feel overwhelmed about may not be a choice, however what we think or believe about them and our relationship to them IS a choice. Overwhelm is the choice to believe that:

 “This is hard.”  

“I don’t know what to do.”  

“This is too much.”  

“There’s not enough time.”  

“I can’t handle all this.”  

“How am I going to do everything?” 

When we overwhelm we feel more overwhelmed and exhausted and don’t get it all done!

In order to stop overwhelming, we have to choose different thoughts.  Different thoughts lead to a different ending.  

Some of these thoughts could include:

 “I got this.” 

“I can choose something (doesn’t matter what) and get started.”  

“I can do my best, and that will be enough.”  

“I can cut out the things that are less important so I can focus on things that are more important.”  

How to Stop Overwhelming

I realized overwhelming (v.) was just making me more overwhelmed.  So, I took my list and wrote down how long each thing would take. Then I put each thing on the calendar and stuck to my calendar all week.  Sometimes I didn’t feel like, but I did it anyway. I didn’t spend time trying to “decide” every day what to focus on; I had already decided ahead of time. The result was I felt so much calm and so much less overwhelm.  I was amazed at how much I got done!

Don’t overwhelm.  It just keeps you stuck and drained.  Act instead.  Take an hour and plan it out.  Then follow the plan.  It’s so much more fun and a lot more productive.  

Stop Overwhelming

1. Get all the to-do’s out on a piece of paper.  You might be surprised there are less than you thought.  The brain loves to magnify things.  
2. Prioritize the list and put it all on the calendar.  This is a part your brain will resist. Our brains don’t want to schedule things because it means we have to actually do them. However, once you do, ironically your mind will relax that everything will get done.  Be realisitic about how long things will take.  Plan the most important things first—like time with family, sleeping etc.  That may mean that some things on your list won’t fit.  This is a great way to figure out what needs to go.  Constraint can actually be one of the most freeing and empowering things you can choose. If you’re not sure what’s most important than it probably doesn’t matter. Just pick something and stick to it.
3. Stick to the plan.  You can anticipate that you won’t feel like doing what’s on your list.  You write it with your pre-frontal cortex—the logical part of your brain.  But in the moment, your limbic system or your primitive brain will tell you that you don’t feel like it.  It will try to convince you it’s too hard and that eating or watching Netflix is much more fun.  Don’t listen.  Stick to the plan.