How to Have More Fun and the Science Behind Why Fun Matters

My husband and I were beginning to feel like our pleas to our children to floss and brush more thoroughly were falling on deaf ears. And, that wasn’t the only self-care item that needed improvement, so we decided to hold a family hygiene meeting.

Having attempted this type of thing before we knew we might be facing bored faces, rolled eyes and little ones running around the room trying to distract everyone’s attention. I asked myself one of my favorite questions, “How can I make this more fun?” And my brain delivered. Within about 25 minutes my husband and I pulled together a short melodrama entitled “The Dirty Gang vs. The Hygiene Hero.”

We invited our kids to the show. Instead of dragging in, they raced for their front row seats to see us perform. I threw on a cape and crept around as the evil villain, Patty Plaque. My husband swooped in as the Hygiene Hero and saved the day with his weapons: a toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss.

The kids were captivated and giggling as they watched. Two great things came out of our “meeting.” First, we had a really fun time together laughing during what could have been a potentially boring or frustrating time. Not to mention it created a whole new lexicon and set of inside family jokes. Second, the message got through. The kids have brushed and flossed thoroughly every single day since.

While creating a family play may not be your thing, trying to bring some fun into otherwise dull experiences can be a transformative element to add to your life, your relationships, your problems, and even your menial tasks. Here’s the science of why “fun” works, and the way to incorporate more fun into your life.

THE SCIENCE OF WHY FUN HELPS YOU

1. Fun Improves Relationships

Switching froma boring discussion about hygiene with our kids to a memorable play made a potentially boring, dreaded, or awkward topic fun! Having fun together drew us closer as a family and strengthened our relationships.

This outcome wasn’t just a coincidence—science confirms that having fun together strengthens people’s bonds. One study found that having fun improves trust and communication because we are more vulnerable and connectable when we share an experience. (Everett 2011)

Eric Berne, a psychologist, helps us understand why this this happens. According to Berne, each of us, regardless of our age, shifts between three “ego states” of personality several times a day. These include: the Child Ego State (highly emotional, playful, and joking, but also with angry outbursts), Parent Ego State (driven by values—ordering, directing and correcting) and Adult Ego State (getting things done in a rational, logical way). (Verma 2019)

We bond with others best when we are in the same ego state as they are. Interactions when both people are operating in the Child Ego State can lead to some the greatest potential bonding experiences, because these interactions take place primarily on an emotional level. This is particularly true when parents put themselves in the Child Ego State to connect with children, who naturally spend much of their time also in the Child Ego State.

2. Fun Helps Us Absorb Learning Better and Retain It

Skeptics could easily suggest that our silly play wouldn’t sink in because the content would be lost in the excitement and laughter. But the results proved otherwise. They have fun referring back to the villains and heroes of the play and they’ve been highly motivated to brush and floss their teeth and brush their hair since our simple production.

Science validates the idea that fun improves learning. A study published in the Journal of College Teaching found that students could recall a statistics lecture more easily when the lecturer added jokes about relevant topics. (R.L. Garner 2010) Whether we are learning or teaching, fun can be a powerful way to help new information get in and stay there!

3. Fun Boosts the Mood

Most people—if asked—prefer positive emotions to negative ones. My husband and I could have easily done a basic hygiene skills review with our kids, but they would likely have been bored or impatient, which might have caused us to feel irritated that they weren’t listening to us. Shifting the format to be more fun lifted all of our moods. Instead of suffering through the lesson, we were all enjoying it! My husband and I were having fun hamming it up for the kids and our daughters were highly entertained.

Though it seems obvious, science does indeed demonstrate that fun boosts moods. One study showed that individuals who laughed less had more negative emotions when compared to those who laughed more. In contrast, those who laughed more showed fewer negative feelings even when stressful situations increased (Kuiper & Martin, 1998).

4. Helps Us Get Unstuck and Make Progress

Fun can also help us move forward when we are stuck. Emotions drive our actions. Emotions like overwhelm, awkwardness, and anxiety keep us fixed in the same spot. If you’re feeling emotions like these, making things more fun helps to shift the type of emotion we feel, and thus help us get unstuck. When we feel better—less stressed out, happier, and more connected to others—we’re able to make more progress at whatever we’re doing.

Shawn Achor, a positive psychologist from Harvard, conducted a study in which doctors were shown a picture of a favorite memory or family member that allowed them to feel happier before going in with a patient. Compared to a control group who was not primed with positive emotions, the doctors who did feel happy were faster and more accurate in their diagnosis, and were reviewed by patients as having a better bedside manner. (Achor, 2010)

We know that fun improves relationships, increases our ability to learn, helps us feel better, and assists us in moving forward, so how do we add fun to our lives? Here are a few ideas that may help.

HOW TO ADD MORE FUN TO YOUR LIFE

1. Start with a Question

Questions open our minds to new ways to solve a problem. One way to add more fun to your life is to ask yourself a powerful question: “How can I make this fun?” It may sound simple, but as we ask this question we direct our mind to look for answers. I have found that this is a great question to ask even when I am driving in the car with my kids. Sometimes the answer is turning on music or playing a game of “I Spy.” Other times it’s asking my kids questions or telling them something interesting about the world. It all starts with asking the question: “How can I make this more fun.” When you do, invariably your brain thinks of a way and everyone ends up having more fun!

2. Do Something Unexpected

Another way to add more fun to your life is to do something others aren’t expecting. I love the story about a couple who chronically argued. The therapist suggested to the husband that next time they got into an argument, he should do something out of the norm. For example, he could make a loud noise with his lips and flail his arms and fall to the ground. The man said he felt stupid doing that and could never follow through with that request, especially in the heat of an argument. The therapist had him practice in the office to give him more confidence. The next time an argument arose, the man did the silly flailing. Both he and his wife were so shocked, they burst out in laughter for several minutes. It softened them both up a bit and they were able to deal with the issue from a different set of emotions. In situations that are consistently difficult, this is a great way to add some fun.

3. Figure Out a New or Fresh Way to Do It

The brain thinks that confronting moderate challenges is fun. Sometimes simply introducing a fresh way of doing something can increase the enjoyment we get from doing it. For example, you could try out a new restaurant or drive home a different way. I remember my mother constantly trying to make cleaning more fun. One Saturday morning she hid coins in places we wouldn’t be likely to find unless we were actually cleaning the way we had been taught. I remember that it was so much fun searching for the coin as I cleaned the toilet—and I found it behind the base of the toilet. Not only did the hunt for coins make cleaning fun, but we cleaned better!

4. Link Fun with Menial Tasks

Another way to add more fun to your life is to link something you really enjoy doing with something menial or boring. For example, I asked myself what I could do to make folding laundry or doing the dishes more fun? I decided I would look forward to doing those tasks a lot more if I listened to a podcast or watched a show while I worked. Suddenly I looked forward to doing those chores!

5. Make a Game Out of Unpleasant Things

Sometimes life can become a waiting game. One of the ways to spice it up is to create a game out of things. When my daughter was in the hospital for several days, she began to dread the various nurses and doctors coming in to poke and prod her. I decided to invent a little game: each time a new person came in we asked them their favorite color. My daughter had a chart where she marked off their answer. This shifted her mood dramatically and she began to look forward to new people coming in. I also had a client who was struggling with developing a new habit. I suggested she could make a chart where she tallied her “fails”—I challenged her to get to 100 times. This simple exercise took the drama and frustration out of failing and allowed her to see it as a process.

Fun Is Productive

Adding fun to life isn’t indulgent, it’s productive. It improves your connection with others, helps you learn and retain information, helps shift negative emotion to positive emotion, and can help you move forward with your goals. Adding fun can be easy and often doesn’t take a lot of extra time. It can be as simple as asking the question: “How can I make this more fun?” You can add fun by doing the unexpected, linking something menial to something enjoyable, finding a fresh way to do the same old things, or making a game out of something unpleasant. The process of adding fun to your life might actually be fun itself!