Last Saturday it was supposed to rain.  We had planned to go out and see a Chinese Watertown as a family but decided to stay home because of the weather.  I was a little disappointed as I had looked forward to a fun day as a family.  

Mundane Tasks

Instead we spent the day doing what I considered to be mundane things around the house.  We swept out the garage and organized the bikes that had been bothering me for several weeks. I finally put the new pad on our bed that had been sitting in a box for a month.  We got a pile of things ready to donate and cleaned out our front entry way, did dishes and changed the air filters.   Near the end of the night we went swimming with our kids at our neighborhood pool.

Instead we spent the day doing what I considered to be mundane things around the house.  We swept out the garage and organized the bikes that had been bothering me for several weeks. I finally put the new pad on our bed that had been sitting in a box for a month.  We got a pile of things ready to donate and cleaned out our front entry way, did dishes and changed the air filters.   Near the end of the night we went swimming with our kids at our neighborhood pool.

Surprisingly Pleasurable

In anyone’s book, it wasn’t the most exciting itinerary.  What surprised me was that it was such a fulfilling day.  I didn’t expect it to be very pleasurable, but it was so energizing to get some things done that had been on my list forever. It was so nice to have a clean entry way.  It felt great to have clean air and clean sheets and a clean sink.  

Poor Pleasure Predicting Skills

My Saturday confirms an interesting phenomenon most people experience. It’s  Humans are terrible at predicting what will bring them pleasure. What we THINK will bring us joy or fulfillment often doesn’t.  And, the things we don’t expect to bring us fulfillment sometimes do.

Why Accurate Pleasure Prediction Matters

Why does this matter? The ability to accurately determine what will bring pleasure is important for several reasons.  

1. It Can Help Us Save Time and Give Us Motivation

Ironically many of the things we are motivated to do for pleasure immediately, don’t bring us fulfillment in the long run.  It’s easy towaste time doing things we anticipate will bring us pleasure, but don’t. It’s easy to get caught up in FaceBooking, over-eating, over-shopping or a host of other things and realize at the end that we just spent hours doing something and our pleasure bucket is still empty.  

As we more accurately recognize that these things don’t bring us the pleasure we seek, we can be more motivated to do things that DO bring us the pleasure we want.  

One of my clients shared that she desperately wants to get the house clean.  But she never feels motivated to do it because she doesn’t enjoy it.  It always seems more pleasurable to watch a show, or check FaceBook.  It is nice while she’s watching, she explained, but afterward she is frustrated with herself for wasting time and she’s still left with a messy house.   Part of the frustration lies in predicting what will bring her longer-term pleasure.

2. It Can Help Us Be Our Best Self

If we misjudge what makes us happy we may not be living up to our full potential.  When we are happy, our learning centers are turned on and we are able to retain more information and think more creatively. Learning what is actually pleasurable can help us learn better, enjoy life more, and contribute in a more significant way.  There is only so much time, so why waste it?  

I used to think I enjoyed putting on birthday parties for my kids.  But one time my husband pointed out that I seemed so stressed and exhausted by them.  I was confused.  I knew I did have pleasure around birthday parties and it seemed like I “should” be enjoying the party itself.  I really watched myself during the next one I put on and I realized he was right.  What I enjoyed was the planning and preparing it, but actually putting it on was something I wasn’t very good at. Turns out my husband I the opposite.  He doesn’t love planning and preparing but he enjoys (and is good at) running the party. As we realized better what we enjoyed we could “specialize.”  The next party I planned it and set it up and he ran it all.  It was the best party we had had because we were both doing what was pleasurable to us.  

3. We Can Avoid Disappointment

We create disappointment for ourselves when we inaccurately assess how much pleasure something will bring us. Disappointment often creates irritation and causes us to show up in a way that is less than our best.

For example, the other day I was looking forward to my daughter’s nap time in order to get some things done.  I was tired and knew maybe I should take a nap since I had been up late the night before.  But, I really wanted to get something done.  So, I pushed through to work on it.  I wasn’t able to finish the project I’d hoped and then felt even more tired and depleted when my daughter woke up.  She was excited to play with me and I found myself putting her off and being more irritable.  Had I been able to more accurately predict my pleasure that the nap would be rejuvenating and the task wouldn’t get finished, I might not have been as disappointed and and then wouldn’t have taken it out on my daughter.    

4. We Might Miss the Opportunity for Pleasure

The final reason it matters to accurately predict pleasure, is because we often interpret things by what we expectto experience.  The brain tends to find evidence of what it already believes and filters out other parts of our experience.  If we believe something won’t be pleasurable, it’s easy to miss the pleasure we could get from it because we’re noticing the negative. This can be true in the moment or looking back on an experience.  

A few days ago, for example, I opened my one-line-a-day journal to right something significant from the day.  I wrote about making play-dough with my three-year-old.  What surprised me was that during the playdough session she was yelling at me and spilling ingredients and frankly it wasn’t that enjoyable.  But looking back it was one of the most meaningful moments to me and I found so much pleasure in thinking about our time together.  It surprised me.  I would have missed the pleasure of that moment if I hadn’t been looking for it in hindsight.  

How to Improve Your Pleasure Prediction Skills

One way to improve your pleasure prediction skills is to practice.  On your calendar rate on a scale of 1-10 how pleasurable you predict an activity to be.  Then afterwards rate how pleasurable they actually were.    Be sure to include a wide range of activities in your predictions.

Use Your Emotions as Pleasure Thermometers

Look for emotional indicators of NOT enjoying things while you’re such as irritation, boredom, and stress. Look for emotional indicators that you ARE enjoying things such as accomplishment, peace, creativity, and fun. 

Be Honest About What You’re Feeling

Often what we expect to feel and what we actually feel are different.  Be more honest with yourself about whether you are really enjoying it. Keep an open mind that you could be wrong about what really brings you pleasure.  

Learning to more accurately predict pleasure can help maximize your ability to create and contribute, it can help increase satisfaction in the things you do, and can help you enjoy things you never thought you could.  

Check Your Pleasure Predicting Skills

1.  List 5 upcoming activities this week and rate how pleasurable you expect them to be on a scale of 1-10.
2. Then after the activity rate how pleasurable it actually was.  Take note of the discrepancy.  
3. How will you change your actions based on the new information?