Our family got out Christmas decorations this past week.  We collect nativities from each of the places we live; each year, I love admiring each little holy family regaled in native costumes of Mexico, China, Ecuador, Hawaii, Kenya, Spain and others.  However, as the number of nativities grow, I also have to find more places to put them! This is starting to require more and more effort and creativity.   

Adding Extras at Christmas Time

As I was unpacking nativities and looking for places to put them all, I was thinking about all that we add to our (already busy) lives during the Christmas season.  In addition to physical items at Christmas, we add parties to our schedule, shopping to our to-do list, special foods and cooking to our menus, traditions to our routines, service to our calendars and budgets and more. Many of these extra things are enjoyable and meaningful–it’s often these extra things that make Christmas feel meaningful and magical.  

However, all the extra holiday-related things require time, effort, money and planning–many of which are already in short supply for families any month of the year.  Life can begin to feel cluttered and stressful during the holidays trying to do all of our normal things and all the extra things we’d like to or feel we have to do.   Ironically, the overwhelm and frenzy of all the extra extra activities and to-do list items can at times usurp the very joy and magic of the season we were trying to create by doing them!  

Yet, even though we recognize this– it’s hard to know how to do it differently because we still WANT to give gifts, travel to see family, make and eat special foods, serve others, focus on the reason for the season and make memories.  It can seem challenging to know how to have a modern Christmas season that’s calm and enjoyable without being a hermit or a Grinch.

Making Temporary Space

Perhaps the nativities and Christmas décor we deck the halls with can give us some insight.  In order to make a temporary space to display each nativity this year, I packed away books, frames and décor that typically stand on our bookshelves and tables.  Adding all the extra décor without removing some things temporarily would feel tremendously cluttered.  By packing away some things temporarily, it allows me to enjoy looking at each of the nativities displayed.  We often have people comment on them and our children enjoy setting them up and comparing them.  

Likewise, perhaps we can enjoy more of the magic of the holiday season if we carve out space for Christmas physically, spiritually, intellectually and emotionally just as we make space for our Christmas decorations.  Let me offer a few ideas about how we can do this.

1.Creating Intellectual Space for Christmas

Christmas is often accompanied by expectations; some are our own and some are from others.  For example; we may want to make Christmas magical for our children, we may want to re-create what we loved about Christmas growing up, decorate our homes like the pottery barn catalog, we may feel obligated to put on an amazing party for church or meet someone’s ideals of the perfect gift, give cookies to all our neighbors, or provide Christmas for a family in need.  All of these seem lovely.  However, expectations can be weapons if not carefully crafted.  

Steven Covey said, “Disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality.”  If we enter the holidays with high expectations that are not realistic, we set ourselves up for disappointment and likely exhaustion.  

Measure Expectations to Reality Ahead of Time

Before you bought a Christmas tree—you’d probably measure it to make sure it wasn’t too tall or too wide for the room you planned to put it in.  And, for those of us who don’t plan ahead, we may end up disappointed when we get home and find it’s too small or too large.  We have a friend who bought a tree that was too tall and their tree made a U-Turn at the ceiling and hung down about 2 feet!  But they couldn’t return it.  

What are Your Expectations for Christmas?

Likewise we can create intellectual space for Christmas by thoughtfully examining our expectations for the season and make sure they fit with our available time and energy.  One way I have found helpful to do this is to list everything I’d love to do on a piece of paper.  I mean everything—parties, traditions, books to read, errands to run etc.  Then I place an estimated time each item will require and put all of them into a calendar which also includes the regular things I do such as exercising, helping kids with homework, family scripture study, 8 hours of sleep, date with my husband, grocery shopping etc. to see what fits.  

Do They Fit in the Your Time and Energy Budget?

I rank all the things on the list in order of priority and fill in the most important things first.  When the schedule is full.  It’s full.  And I know the other things don’t fit.  At that point I have to decide if I want to simplify or remove some things I have on the calendar in order to make space for more Christmas things.  

This year I decided to do more simple dinners to make more time, and I decided not to attend some of the Christmas events I was invited to.  However, I do plan to attend one for my church and my husband’s work community.  I have scaled back on some volunteer work and on my coaching for December.  However, I wasn’t willing to give up doing my blog, or family dinner time (most evenings). As I sorted through all of these things—it was helpful to see clearly see what fit and what didn’t.  There is still a little disappointment about the things I can’t fit in, but the disappointment happens ahead of time instead of being stretched out across the whole season!  

Questions to Help Establish Realistic Expectations

Here are some questions that may help to establish more realistic expectations for the holidays:  

• What is it you most want to include in your holiday celebrations?  
• What will that require?  Is it realistic?
• What will I have to give up or simplify in order to accomplish it?  

Setting realistic expectations by “measuring” what you wantto do and what you can do allows us to create “intellectual space” because we can make clear decisions about what is most important.  We will still experience some disappointment as there is often more to do than we can handle, but because that disappointment is deliberate, it makes space for us to fill that gap with delight instead.  

2.Creating Physical Space

Another word for creating physical space might be building stamina.  In the busyness of Christmas it’s easy to stay up late, skip exercising and indulge in sugary treats more than normal.  Ironically though—this depletes our ability to meet the demands.  As we all know when we are tired, hungry, and over-sugared it’s hard to enjoy the very things we’re staying up late for.  I remember one year we put off wrapping presents until Christmas Eve and stayed up late wrapping and getting things ready for Christmas morning.  My husband and I were so tired the next morning I could hardly keep my eyes open during present opening.  I robbed myself of some of the joy of day by failing to create the physical space I needed. 

Being committed to basic health habits such as 8 hours of sleep, exercising daily, and eating healthfully can generate the energy and health that can increase our productivity.  We don’t need to guilt ourselves when we don’t—more negative emotions won’t be helpful.  However it can be helpful to think about the benefits of these healthful behaviors.  It’s well worth the investment of time to do energy-generating behaviors because it creates “physical space” to enjoy the season. 

3.Spiritual Space

As we all know, the very reason for the season can often become lost in the chaos and clutter.  In fact, the very things we do in order to celebrate and remember our Savior—parties, Christmas décor, shopping–sometimes ring more loudly in our ears than the beautiful sound of the redemption he offers us.  One way we can make space for Him this holiday season is to automate blocks of time for spiritual connection.  Similar to our physical health—reading the scriptures, meaningful prayers, meditation and other forms of connection with heaven can sometimes get lost in the hurry and hubbub.  

Spiritual Space Requires Regular Time

Setting regular spaces for connection with Heaven (and honoring them) can allow us to feel God’s encircling love and inspiration throughout the season which supercedes an experience, any gift, party, or gorgeously adorned tree.  One way I have been trying to automate a space for connection with heaven is to commit that I won’t listen or read anything until I have read some scriptures and prayed each morning.  This is challenging when I’m trying to get kids out the door and I’m tempted to look at messages or read the news.  

But on the days I do it, it helps me create space for what is most important to me—my Savior.  It frames my mind for the day with spiritual truth, and laces my spirit with peace as I move through the day.  As Paul teaches, the fruits of the spirit are joy, love peace etc.  And these make the season more magical and outward focused than I could generate on my own.  Automate spaces for spirituality in order to fill your life with the divine this holiday season.  

4.Creating Social Space for Christmas

A lot of our brain and heart space is taken up thinking about others at Christmas.  We sometimes travel back to see family, we send Christmas cards to friends we’ve known from different times in our lives, we shop for presents for our kids and enjoy thinking of ways to serve others.  However, as wonderful as these interactions can be, they can also create a lot of emotional clutter as well.  For example, we might worry about how someone will react to a gift we might feel obligated to attend an event, we may dread interactions with a difficult family member, we may compare ourselves to others and feel inadequate, or we may spend time criticizing ourselves or others, among other things.  

I would like to offer one way to clear some of the social clutter during the holidays.  

• Choose to believe that others are doing the best they are able in the moment.  
• Choose to believe that you are doing the best you are able in the moment.  

Why Believing Others Are Doing Their Best Clears Social Clutter

These simple beliefs can change some of our interactions.  For example, instead of stressing about if we’ve chose the right gift, believing we are doing our best allows us to step back and think that a gift is just an outward gesture of love.  Even if it’s not perfect, it was bought and given in love and we can have faith that the other person will feel that.  

When others cut in line at the store or cut us off in holiday traffic we can minimize our mental clutter by believing that they were doing the best they could in that given moment.  Perhaps they are rushing to an ill family member.  When we yell at our kids in a moment of distress we can remind ourselves that this is a stressful time.  Of course, we feel uptight.  We’re doing the best we can.  Take a deep breath and apologize.  It doesn’t mean we should give into all our animalistic urges and call it our best or excuse others’ behavior.  It simply means that assuming others and ourselves are doing the best we can in any given moment can allow us to clear out some of the social clutter and make space for feeling more love for others and enjoying more connection during Christmas.

 5.Making Emotional Space for Christmas

There are many ways we clutter our lives emotionally during Christmas.  I want to address just one today.  Decision fatigue.  The holidays require many decisions.  Should we go to the party or not?  Should we go home for Christmas?  What should I get my husband for Christmas?  This item is over my budget, should I get it anyway?  Who should we serve?  Should I eat other piece of fudge, Christmas only comes once a year…

Decision Fatigue

Constantly making decisions can be exhausting.  At a time when energy is in short demand, and emotions are running high this is NOT what we want to spend emotional energy on.  

Decide Ahead of Time

We can create more emotional space by eliminating some of the decisions we need to make.  As I mentioned under creating intellectual space, deciding ahead of time what you will do during the season can bring a lot of peace because you’re not constantly trying to decide whether or not to go.  

Make Blanket Decisions

Any time you can make a blanket decision that you have to re-make often, it eliminates lots of emotional clutter. For example, you could decide to eat just one treat a day.  Then after one treat, the answer is no.  No drama, no deliberation.  The decision is made.  

Pick One and Go

When it’s a decision with lots of good choices and no catastrophic consequences I love the idea of just picking one and moving forward.  It’s easy to get lost in analysis and become paralyzed.  Choosing something and moving forward can make more space for enjoying whatever choose.  

Questions to Make Decisions Easier

For items that are more significant or may have negative consequences, we can ask:

• Do I need to do this?  
• Do I want to do this?  
• What will be the result if I don’t?  
• If I do?   

Then we can recognize that there might not be a “perfect” solution.  There are negative and positive results attached to both.  For more information on how to make a difficult decisions see this article. Once we’ve seen the options, we can make a decision.  Don’t go back and second guess yourself.  Move forward with joy.  This allows us to have more emotional space to enjoy the season. 

Creating Space

Just as I created space for my nativity sets by packing away books, frames and other things, we can create space for Christmas intellectually, physically, spiritually, socially and emotionally.  This space will allow us to delight in the holiday season without as much clutter and chaos that often attends the season.   And when we do feel clutter and chaos we have the stamina to endure it.  

How to Create Space for Christmas

1. Measure your expectations for the season against your time and energy by planning it out.
2. Prioritize your health.
3. Prioritize connection to heaven.
4. Believe you and others are doing their best.
5. Find ways to minimize the number of decisions you need to make this month.