A couple of weeks ago, we were out and about in Shanghai and we wereFaceTiming with our family.  My mother-in-law made a comment I have been thinking about.   She said, “What looks so normal to you on the street behind you, is so fascinating to us.” 

When Novel Becomes Normal

After 4 ½ years living in Asia, the gabled temple roofs, street sweepers with pedaled carts and brooms made out of sticks all look commonplace.  ven babies in split pants and smelling stinky tofu don’t stand out as particularly novel.  

Seeing the world again through my mother-in-law’s eyes reminded me what it was like to come to Asia for the first time. I was filled with wonder—constantly looking around and snapping pictures of Bhuddist temples, streets full of bicycles, skyscrapers, people huddled in alleyways eating rice out of porcelain dishes with chop sticks, babies bundled up like the Michelin man.  What’s novel can become normal so quickly.  

We can lose our sense of wonder about the place we’re living without even realizing it.  When we do, it often reduces the interest of a place and makesthe irritating things seem more annoying because they aren’t balanced by the interesting ones.  

But we can also lose our sense of wonder about the people around us and the normal things we do and see as well.  When we stop being fascinated by simple things we miss so much richness in life. In the words of SaraTeasdale, “Life has loveliness to sell.”  Are you buying it?   

Sometimes I don’t.  I trade my wonder for habit, efficiency and for normalcy without even realizing it.  

Habituation

The ability to function on autopilot without being aware of every detail is actually part of the amazing functioning of our brains.  We are able to tune out things or automate things that seem irrelevant or unimportant to save space for other things.  

However, this can also come at a cost. When we stop noticing things that we see or hear frequently, we overlook some of the most tender or joyful moments available to us.  We miss out on gratitude and delight because we are numb to our experiences.  

The good news is, we can bring our attention back to things we’ve dismissed by deciding to pay attention.  How would life be different if we approached small things with wonder? 

Living in Wonder

I decided to live one day in wonder…on purpose. I emotionally zoomed in on moments, on the faces of my children, on the sensory experience of things, and on the illumination of ideas.  

I soaked in the delicious anticipation on my three-year old’s face as she bounded toward me for a running hug.  I shivered with the breeze on my arms as I walked outside.  I drank in the overwhelm of my to-dolist, wondering at the fact that I was healthy and capable enough to have a list and to check any of my tasks off at all.  I observed the light patterns on the wall outside my office.  I sat with the itchy feeling of irritation on my eyelids from allergies.  

I relished the confidence in the eyes of my seven-year old as she practiced tying her shoe and succeeded.  I savored the taste of cold pineapple…even the cuts on my tongue which reminded me long after I had swallowed.  I cherished the insight my ten-year-old offered during our dinner discussionand wallowed in awe at the independent human she’s becoming.  I allowedmyself to feel a pang of love and excitement as a text came through from my husband who’s out of town.  

I sat back and observed my twelve-year-old as she scurried around the kitchen systematically preparing a cupcake order for her business.  I sat in wonder that I created this human who is contributing in her own little way to the world. I indulged in the world of thought as I read a blog post.  I just let the thoughts sit there so I could sample them. I stared in gratitude at my glass of water.  So many people in the world don’t have clean drinking water.  What a blessing.  

I lingered for a moment when I kissed my daughter’s forehead before bed.  What could be better?  I observed the weight of my heart as a friend shared a painful experience. I just held the pain instead of trying to fix it.  I relaxed into the indulgent smoothness of my sheets.  And, I wondered as I drifted off to sleep.

Why Wonder is Wonderful

One of the reasons we are interested in new things is because we want to understand how they fit into our current model of understanding about the world.  This intrigue and struggle to understand actually releases dopamine.  Our brains are hard wired to prefer things that are novel which keeps us constantly wanting to learn and expand our understanding of the world.  

Even if something has become habituated into our experience, we can re-discover new details and reasons that create this same response.  Zooming in on things we don’t usually notice can create new delight.  In addition when we deliberately choose to focus on them rather than just find interest because they are unique, we remember them better.  

Buying Loveliness

For one glorious day, I bought the loveliness that life has to sell.  I bought the discomfort and the disappointment life has to sell too.  I want all of it.  I want to keep living in wonder—as Sarah Teasdale says, “Spend all you have for loveliness.  Buy it and never count the cost.”  Buy it all with wonder because you get to experience the richness and delight of it and you get to seal it in your memory.  

The alternative is to be efficient but blind. To be entertained by digital devices or daily routines but be numbed to the loveliness of those tiny moments.  Barter for loveliness with wonder.  

How to Buy Loveliness

1.  Decide to look more closely at the things and people around you.
2. Savor them.  Feel them.  Enjoy them. 
3.  Buy the negative parts of life too, because they make the lovely things 
      so much sweeter.  

Barter
bySara Teasdale

Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,

And children’s faces looking up,
Holding wonder like a cup.
Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,

Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit’s still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.

Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,

And for a breath of ecstasy.
Give all you have been, or could be.

Sources:
[1] Castel, A. D., Vendetti, M., & Holyoak, K. J. (2012). “Fire drill: Inattentional blindness and amnesia for the location of fire extinguishers.” Attention, Perception, & Psychophysics, 74, 1391-1396.