A few weeks ago, I had planned to make sweet rolls for a family occasion.  It’s a tradition, and it meant a lot to my kids.  But on the day I had planned to make them, I discovered it was the birthday of a woman who recently moved to Shanghai with her young children.   I knew if I went, I’d have to stay up late to make the sweet rolls or not make them at all. I also knew she was still navigating all the challenges of a new country without the language and figuring out how to live here.  I get it. I’ve done it many times.  It can be hard and it helps to have friends on the journey.  

Getting there I was a mess—I was running late, stuck in traffic, couldn’t find parking and the cupcakes I was bringing to my friend fell over and looked more like a lump of mud than the lovely swirled frosting they started out as.  Another friend met us there and we had a wonderful visit—laughing and commiserating with our new friend.  

The Miracle of the Sweet Rolls

Afterwards as we were walking out, my friend said—hey I picked something up for you.  I walked to her car and she pulled out SIX BEAUTIFUL SWEET ROLLS she had purchased from a local shop.  

She had no idea that I had been planning to make sweet rolls.  She was just doing it to be thoughtful.  I’ve started calling it the miracle of the sweet rolls because it was like a little love note from heaven.   Even in my hasty, awkward way of offering love for a friend, God loved me back through another friend. But in addition, it caused me to think about service in a new way.

Thinking About Service as Sacrifice Is Often Inaccurate

Doing something to help someone else usually requires time and I often feel like time is in short supply. Because of this, I’ve often thought about service as a sacrifice.  A sacrifice with a feel-good pay off, but a sacrifice none-the-less.  But this way of thinking about helping others is oversimplified and in many ways incorrect.  The offering and the benefits are much more nuanced and my math about time was simply wrong.  

Sacrifice isn’t the appropriate words when the pay-off is often larger than the payment.  Let me explain this concept further by illustrating two different meanings of the word “lift.”

Lift as a Verb

Lift as a verb means to move something upwards.  Lifting takes energy and most us don’t have a lot of extra energy to spare, so sometimes thinking about lifting more than we are already lifting sounds exhausting.  

Lift as a Noun

However, “lift” can also be used as a noun.  It is a scientific phenomenon of flight.  It refers to the momentum that birds receive as they fly in a v-shape formation.

You can probably recall seeing birds fly in this formation.  Every year, geese fly up to 3,000 miles in order to migrate to a warmer climate. Flying in this formation allows the bird in front to block wind resistance and create uplift so it’s easier for the bird in back of it.  Each bird subsequently provides this for the bird behind it.  The birds at the back have a combined power of lift.  This phenomenon of lift allows the geese to fly up to 71% farther than they would be able to on their own. 

Receiving More Lift Than They Give

This same phenomenon of lift is true for humans.   When we “lift” (v.) others, we receive “lift” (n.). Even though lifting requires energy, lifting gives us energy and that energy carries farther than we could ever go on our own.   It’s hard to consider something a sacrifice if it gives you more than you put into it!  

In order for the entire flock to benefit from this phenomenon of lift, the geese rotate who is in front of the flock, since it gets tiring to always be leading (or lifting). In addition, they don’t just take it easy when they are in back; they honk to encourage the ones in the lead. And, if a goose gets sick or hurt while flying, two other birds stop with it stay with it until the goose fully recovers or dies.  Then they re-join another flock.  All of these things require energy…perhaps more energy than if they were on their own. But they would never be able to get as far on their own.  They receive far more energy than they put out.  They are literally given lift (n.) as they lift (v). other geese.

The Science of Human “Lift” (n.)

This isn’t just a lovely sentiment.  Science sheds some light on the physiology behind this. According to a study at Emory University, your brain’s pleasure and reward centers light up when you do something kind.  In fact, the response in your brain is the SAME as if you were the recipient of kindness, not the giver.  

Another study from the Greater Good Science Center shows that Scientists call this “the helper’s high.”   This “helpers high” doesn’t just make you feel good, it actually gives you energy.  The Greater Good Science Center reported a study in which half the participants who helped others reported feeling physically stronger and more energetic after helping. Other participants reported feeling calmer and less depressed and most reported feeling more self-worth.  

Even more interesting are studies which show that people who witness kindness experience the same brain response as the person being helped or the person helping.  In other words, the phenomenon of lift has a compounding effect, just like it does in geese.  

Return on our Investment for Lifting

In a world where time and energy and even money sometimes feel scarce, offering to give away more of it is initially something the brain isn’t super anxious to do.  So, understanding that the return on our investment is significant can help us overcome our brain’s initial slugglishness.  

Lies That Prevent Us From Lifting

Lie:  I don’t have enough energy to help others right now
Truth:  Helping others GIVES your energy.  I need the physical and emotional energy from helping others and they do too!  

Lie:  If I put myself down and point out all the things I’m doing wrong, I’ll change and be better.
Truth:  Putting myself down diminishes my energy and motivation.  I can’t beat myself up into being better.  I have to love myself into being better.

Lie:  If I love others as they are, they will think I agree with their behavior and never change.
Truth:  Resisting loving others is exhausting.  And, we add extra negative emotion when we don’t act consistently with our values.  As we love others it actually allows them to become their best selves. And even if they don’t WE are OUR best selves which is an amazing lift by itself.

How to Lift in a Way That We Create Lift

Pay Attention

There are many opportunities to “lift” all around us. Many don’t require as much time and energy as we think they will. However, they DO require paying attention and deliberately looking for opportunities to serve others.

If geese don’t pay attention and slip out of line–they can actually do the opposite of lifting the bird behind them. If their alignment is off they can actually create MORE wind for the bird. Staying alert and being in the right place is important.

Likewise paying attention is important to lifting others. First, paying attention to others and what they might need. Look around, ask questions and even pray to notice who needs a lift. Often someone needs help carrying things or holding a door. Asking simple questions to people close to us often opens the door to know what they need. Noticing something you appreciate about someone and giving a sincere compliment is an easy way to lift. When you program your brain to look for ways to lift, it will find more opportunities than you realized were possible.

Second, we need to pay attention to our own weariness. If we’re getting tired–just like the bird in front often rotates to the back, it’s important to slow down and rest. Even though we feel like we’re being noble to keep going, the whole flock actually suffers if we don’t rotate out sometimes. Sometimes saying no is the best way to lift.

Keep It Simple

There are many big things we can do to serve others. And those contributions are important. However, sometimes the most powerful ways to lift others are simple. Geese lift others by simply flying in the line. They occasionally stop when needed on their way to where they need to go.

Sometimes just going about our normal life and being aware to be kind to others in our daily interactions and to stop occasionally to help is enough. My husband is a master at this. No matter where we go, he makes friends with the custodians and the guards. These are people who often go unnoticed and unappreciated. When I visit him at work, he is surrounded by people who love him. All because he smiled at people and took time to stop occasionally and chat for a minute.

Allow Others to Lift You

Just like the geese take turns lifting, it’s important to rotate who is lifting in our relationships. This is often where we receive “lift” (n.) Not only does it allow us to rest and replenish, but it actually makes others feel connected to us when they serve us. They grow and get energy by serving as well; allowing others to lift us can also be a way of lifting them. 

Being Lifted as We Lift

As I discovered recently, lifting others often allows us to tap into the amazing benefits of lift.  It’s a little counterintuitive to the brain at first so it may take some supervising of your lower brain.  But like geese who discovered this phenomenon of lift long ago, it’s a lot more pleasant and we go a lot farther when we live life lifting and being lifted than trying to struggle through on our own.  In the words of Robert Ingersoll, “We rise by lifting others.” 

Experience Lift

1. Start noticing ways you can lift others.
2. Act on them.
3. Pay attention to the increase of energy, help and lift you feel in your life. Allow others to lift you.

Watch this video about “Lift.”