In stressful situations, our brains often go into survival mode.  We try to get through the situation with the least amount of damage possible.  Unfortunately this isn’t always the best way to approach a stressful situation. Programming how we want to handle stress ahead of time can make it much more enjoyable and much less taxing.

Nuclear Bomb Threat

Widespread panic overwhelmed the island of Oahu, HI early on a Saturday morning when this text message appeared on cell phones.  “Ballistic missle threat inbound to Hawaii. Seek immediate shelter.  This is not a drill.”

Immediately people made desperate attempts to find their loved ones and to seek shelter.   One woman hid in a bathroom with her children and prayed.  Some tourists were taken to concrete bunkers.  Parents stuck on the freeway worried they might never see their children again.  Given the high tensions with North Korea, and the closer proximity of Hawaii compared to the mainland US, Hawaiian residents were already on edge.  People had been told they would have about 12 minutes after a text alert before a bomb would hit.

I was particularly interested in the opposite responses of two of our friends.  One friend called her loved ones to say good-bye, and then hid under a table.  Another friend called her loved ones to say good-bye, and then went surfing.  At first it seemed a bit cavalier to head out surfing in the face of a bomb threat.  However, as I thought more about it, the idea intrigued me.  I love the image of her riding the waves instead of running around in panic.

Thankfully the text was a mistake.  There was no bomb and no obliteration, just 38 minutes of terror.  We had just moved off the island when this incident occurred, but having lived there for the last 3 years the threat felt very real to us.   If I knew I might be obliterated, what would I do with my last minutes?  I’m not suggesting anyone should actually go surfing during a bomb threat–especially if there were children to protect or concern over the nuclear blast affecting surrounding areas but I think the idea of thinking beyond the instinctual defense is an interesting one.

Choosing How to Respond

This is an intriguing metaphor for how we respond to events that happen around us.  While I have never experienced a nuclear bomb threat, I have plenty moments in which I have to make the same kind of choice about how to respond to an overwhelming circumstance.  Sometimes my reaction feels so instinctual I have to remind myself that I do have a choice about how to think and how to respond in a given situation.

Choosing to Hide

One of these moments happened the other day when my two-year-old melted down in shrieks and tears when she saw that we were having salmon for dinner instead of pizza.  By the time she was on the floor wailing and flailing, my brain was wailing and flailing too.  It was almost like a bomb of emotions went off in my brain and it was hard to think clearly.  My immediate thought was, “This is ridiculous.”  I sighed, rolled my eyes and felt irritated. When I’m irritated I rarely show up my best.  I’m more likely to yell or respond impatiently, or try to escape the drama by eating or checking my phone.  When I yell, my child feels guilt in addition to her initial emotion of disappointment. At the end of the night I feel discouraged about my mothering.  I feel stuck– essentially trapped under a theoretical table.

Choosing to Surf

Using our metaphor of surfing instead of hiding under a table—I tried to think about what type of response would help me go “surfing” instead.  I knew that my response started with the thought I chose.  I decided to flip my thought on my head.  Instead of thinking, “This is ridiculous,” I decided to think, “This is normal.  I’m so glad she’s developing as a healthy two-year-old.  If she never had opinions or expressed them, I’d be concerned!” This thought helped me feel thankful instead of irritated.  Gratitude is an open emotion that allowed me to respond with love and kindness.  I let the tantrum run it’s course, and when it was over I was able to scoop up my girl, hug her and carry on with dinner.  No drama.  No emotional “bomb shells” all over.  I was able to “surf” even amid the threat.

Go Surfing

The next time a “bomb” of emotion goes off in your head, notice what your default thought is.  If it’s one that might trap you in more negative emotions—try thinking the opposite thought.  Notice if it helps change your feeling and your result.  Surfing is a lot more fun!