Recently, I was asked to do something hard—something I wanted to do, but had never done before. It was something I knew I couldn’t do on my own. It really caused me to think about confidence. There are different kinds of confidence. As I thought about the different kinds of confidence, I realized I had more than I thought I did.
Evidence Based Confidence
Evidence based confidence comes from having done something before and knowing you can do it again. We have some assurance of success because we have evidence from the past to rely on. A simple example is pouring water. We’ve done it many times and we know that we can do it again.
This is the most reassuring type of confidence because we only have to rely on ourselves, and we have lots of evidence to draw on.Depending only on this type of confidence is limiting because, we just continue to repeat more of what happened in the past. We are only willing to do what we’ve done before.
Self-Confidence
Self-confidence is different than evidence based confidence. It means you trust yourself. You know you’ll do what you promise yourself to do, it even when you don’t feel like it.
Having self-confidence means that you are willing to make mistakes and fail. And try again. It means you know you can handle the difficult emotions you might have to experience as you are trying, and you’ll keep going.
Another aspect of self-confidence is knowing won’t berate yourself if you aren’t successful at whatever you attempt. You’re willing to work on it as long as it takes. You have your own back. This type of attitude allows you to try things because everything is figure-out-able if we we’re willing to try and fail enough times.
An example of this might be when you choose to have a baby. You don’t know how to do it, you know it might be hard, but you’re willing to try anyway. You know you’ll make mistakes but you don’t throw in the towel after the first few times. You’ll keep working at it. Self-confidence is a powerful type of confidence because it enables us to step out into the dark and do new things that are on the edge of our comfort zone. We don’t have to have done the thing before to feel confident about it. Doing new things is the only way we grow and evolve.
Confidence in Others
Sometimes we can’t do it all on our own. We need to depend on others. Do you feel confident that you can rely on others? We can’t control others. Sometimes others let us down. People aren’t perfect. This is exactly why this can be one of the hardest types of confidence to develop. However, this builds some of the closest relationships when we are willing to risk and put our confidence in others.
In addition, when someone we love is suffering, we want to ameliorate their pain. But do we have confidence in that person that they will make it through okay—that hard is good…even for them? Often when people sense our confidence in them, they rise to meet it.
God-Confidence
There is another type of confidence that is even more powerful than either confidence or self-confidence of the other types—God-confidence. This is the type of confidence we feel when we trust God 100%. God is all powerful. He can do anything.
Having God-confidence means that we trust that God is capable of doing something AND that he will help us. God-confidence means we are KNOWN by him, that GOD WANTS to help us, and that he WILL help us. This is the kind of confidence that moves mountains and saves people from Lion’s Dens.
An example might be forgiving someone who has hurt you because you know God’s atonement is enough for you and for them. You have confidence that God knows us personally, he wants the best for us, and he will help us—and the person who wronged us. We have confidence that all will be made right. This allows us to unburden ourselves of the pain and anger. It can be incredibly scary. It takes God-confidence.
This type of confidence is the most far reaching and the most prolific. With God we can do ALL things.
Finding Confidence
As I thought through the different types of confidence, I realized I didn’t have much evidence-based-confidence for this particular things. However, I did have some self-confidence. I was willing to fail and I knew I’d have compassion on myself even if I did. I had confidence in others–that they would help. And, most of all I had God-confidence. It was something I knew I’d have to rely on God to expand me and teach me and help me. As I analyzed it, I recognized I totally had this thing. And so do you…you have more confidence than you realize.
Get More Confidence
Build Evidence-Confidence: Write a list of all the things you know how to do. Sometimes we underestimate ourselves. Remember, we don’t have to be a professional to have confidence that we can do something.
Build Self-Confidence: Choose to be willing to fail. Not the kind of failing where you cop-out or give up. The kind where you go all in, and still fail. Make a fail chart and try to count how many times you fail. The more you fail, the easier it is to be willing to do it. It’s really not that bad. When you do fail, have compassion for yourself and be your own cheerleading section.
Build Confidence in Others: Try asking for help. Trying sharing something vulnerable and see how it goes. Try to remove yourselves from intervening to stop hard things from happening to people you love. Try exercising confidence in others.
Build God-Confidence: Be willing to ask God for help, and do things you know you can’t do on your own…only with God’s help. Trust him. Keep a journal of God’s help in your life.
