Do you avoid looking in the mirror? Do you find yourself making critical comments in your mind about how your body looks? Do you worry about what other people think of your body? For many people these thoughts take up a lot of brain space. It’s exhausting.

Negative Thoughts About Your Body Perpetuate the Problem

Your brain thinks it’s being helpful offering the thoughts “My body doesn’t look the way it should.” Or “I don’t like the way I look.”  Our brains think they protect us from losing control and eating all the cookies in the box! However, negative thoughts cause us to feel discouraged and ashamed–not motivated.  These two emotions don’t drive us to action, they drive us to inaction.  Inaction makes us feel even worse!  

The Two Problems with the Belief that Looking Better Will Help Us Feel Better

Ultimately, the reason you want to look different is because it would help you feel peace and feel acceptable.  However, there are two problems with believing that you have to be thinner to feel peaceful or acceptable.  

1. A Different Body Doesn’t Always Help Us Feel Better

Many people assume that if they had the body they dream of, they would automatically feel better. This is false.  Do you know anyone who has their ideal body and still doesn’t feel at peace or feel acceptable?  I do.  

Our brain comes with the software, “something is wrong.”  It’s constantly on the lookout for problems.  If you solve this problem your brain will find another one.  Even if you change your body and somehow made it “perfect,” your brain will simply find something else wrong.  You may be happy that your body is different, but your brain will find another reason to believe you’re not enough in some way.

Our thoughts about our bodies create our feelings, not the size or shape of our bodies.  This is actually great news.  It means that you can feel peace and acceptability without even changing your body.

2. The Better Feelings Come First, then a Better Body

Many people think they must change the way their bodies look on order to feel better.   They think changing the body comes first, and the feeling comes second.  But this thinking is backwards. 

Shawn Achor, a positive psychologist from Harvard, teaches that most people have the mistaken belief success at something makes us happy.  For example, many people think if they looked different, had more money, got a promotion, if their spouse were different etc. they would feel happy.  But actually, it works the opposite way.  

We need to feel happy first, that turns on up to 14 brain centers such as creativity, problem solving etc. that actually help us be successful at our goal.  If you feel at peace and acceptable, you will be able to have so much more brain space and show up in a totally different way with your life that will help you create the outcome you want.  

Feeling peaceful and acceptable first helps us create the body we want, not the other way around.  This is our work to do; to get to peace and acceptability now—without even changing anything about your body.  

Accepting What Is

So how do we feel peace and acceptance BEFORE our body looks better. You change your thoughts about your body. Thoughts are optional.

Sometimes people say they can’t even imagine thinking positive thoughts about their bodies. This is where step laddering can be a powerful tool.

Step Laddering Thoughts

Our beliefs become habits and they become deeply ingrained.  Sometimes it can take a while to believe something new about your body. It’s possible though.

One of the best ways to get to a new thought is to step-ladder thoughts.  This means starting with one thought and slowly building on it to get where we want to go.  Often the jump from negative to neutral is easier than the jump from negative to positive.  Here is an example of how to slowly work your way from hating your body to loving it.  

Step #1 Stop Judging Your Judgement of Yourself—Just Observe Your Thoughts

“I notice I’m not liking the way I look right now.” 
“My brain thinks of lots of sentences when I’m in front of the mirror.
I have negative thoughts about my body and that’s okay.
My thoughts feel yucky right now and it’s fine.

Step #2 Get from Negative to Neutral

I have a body.
I have a healthy body.  Not everyone does.
I have organs that work and function. 
I’m thankful for my body.
My body gave me children.

Step #3 Allow Yourself to Consider a Different Belief

Is it possible I could like my body?
What if I didn’t have to change the way I looked to like my body?
I’m learning to love my body as it is.

Step #4 Own Your New Identity

I love my body.

Love Your Body First

Learning to love anything or anyone that’s imperfect can be a process.  Start with where you are and move just to the next step. Take it slow.  Remember that loving your body first—before it changes—is the key to feeling better and even to changing your body in the long term.

How to Love Your Body

Notice where you are in your beliefs about your body.  Don’t try to jump from step 1 to step 4.  Start with where you are and gradually move to the next step