As a little girl, I loved Superwoman. I used to dress up in star bottoms, a stripy top and a cape and run through our 5-story apartment building showing off my prowess with my friend who dressed up as Superman.
However, over time I became a different version of Superwoman. My confidence was slowly replaced with anxiety about being perfect. I tried to always do things perfectly and act perfectly. I wanted to keep everyone around me happy—a super-human task! Not surprisingly, I often fell short. I felt inadequate.
While I knew I was a Child of God and I had infinite worth, I somehow came to believe that my worth was related to my worthiness. My lovability and value seemed related to my perfection. I guilted myself with “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts.” I felt disappointed with myself when I produced anything but A+ work. I guilted myself over small mistakes or weaknesses. And I exhausted myself trying to people please.
Without realizing it, I expected myself to be Superwoman in order to be valuable and lovable. Since that is by its very definition impossible, I often fell short. I felt good about myself in many ways, but I also I believed I was inadequate in many ways. I often focused on those.
I’ve come to view my value very differently.
What is Your Value?
Value is your worth as a human being. What are you worth? It’s an interesting question to consider what actually gives us value as humans. Is it what we do? Is it what we have? Is it who we love or who loves us?
Our Value Is Innate
We were born valuable and continue to be valuable simply because we are humans. Our innate value comes from what we are; creations of God. We have a divine heritage. We are the raw material of greatness; our potential is limitless. It takes effort to mine down to our true self, but even if we never utilize any of our potential it doesn’t change the fact that we still are divine raw material and we are ALWAYS valuable.
We can learn a lot about our value by considering a diamond. A diamond is one of the most precious stones in nature due to its unusually hard properties, and the way it refracts light. It can’t be manufactured, it has to be discovered. Likewise, our value cannot be manufactured or earned or created. It simply is. It is innate in each of us. However, at times it can feel difficult to see it, and we have to mine for it in order to find it. Even before it is discovered a diamond is valuable. It’s value comes from it’s potential, just like our value comes from our divine potential.
Pressure Doesn’t Help Us Create or Find Our Value
Superman is known for being able to create diamonds by applying pressure to coal with his bare hands. It’s true that coal and diamonds share similar properties—both are made from carbon. But actually, the myth brought to us by superman is scientifically inaccurate.
Coal is carbon mixed with impurities. The more pressure you apply to it, it simply becomes dust. If it is inhaled it causes respiratory problems. Pressure on coal does NOT produce diamonds. In contrast, a diamond is created from pure carbon deep in the earth with intense amounts of heat. It is only brought to the surface by volcanic or other activity. When pressure is applied it simply drives the diamond deeper into the earth and makes it more difficult to find.
Similarly, some people believe if they put enough pressure on themselves, or if they put pressure on others—they will become better. It seems logical that if we criticize and be-rate ourselves or others for imperfections we’ll or they’ll somehow emerge as something better, beautiful and valuable. This is inaccurate.
There is absolutely a place for self-improvement and stretching ourselves. But ironically, the more we put pressure on ourselves and others, the more we grind ourselves and others down. Our constant negative chatter to ourselves or others can become toxic. It’s like putting pressure on coal–we become sick from grinding up and inhaling all our imperfections. We can’t beat ourselves or others up into being better. The journey to finding our inner diamond of worth is not accomplished through pressure, it is by choosing to see ourselves and our value differently.
Nothing Can Change Our Value
Some people believe that things that happen to them decrease their value. For example, the painful experience of abuse or neglect is sometimes used by the victim as evidence that they are somehow broken or less valuable. Some believe that their own poor actions and mistakes make them worth less—that somehow our value is altered by things we do or things that happen to us.
If we go back to our example of a diamond, it seems laughable that something that happened to a diamond would somehow change it’s value. For example, if a diamond fell in the mud it wouldn’t change the value of the diamond. Sure, it might make it more challenging temporarily to see it’s worth but it doesn’t change the value of it.
Conversely some people think if they make enough money, raise wonderful children, have a meaningful job, get a PhD etc. that they will be more valuable. This is false–it’s like saying that if you put a diamond on one ring setting vs. another ring setting that it makes the diamond itself more valuable.
There is nothing that can happen to us, or we can do—or not do, to diminish or augment our value. We continue to be divine raw material not matter what.
Others’ Opinions Do Not Change Our Value
Others’ opinions have no bearing on our value either. Their opinions about us and their behavior toward us are a reflection of their own beliefs about the world; it is not a reliable source for determining our value.
If appraisers disagree on the price of a diamond, it doesn’t change what the diamond is or how valuable it actually is. It simply means that people disagree on how much should be paid for it.
Our own perception can’t change our worth, but it CAN obscure it. Other’s perceptions can affect how we see our worth too. However, our value NEVER changes no matter what anyone believes about it.
Our value simply is. We are divine material, with divine potential. We came to earth valuable and we stay 100% valuable regardless of what anyone or even ourselves may think.
Finding My Diamond
I came to realize that my value was unchangeable. Nothing I did—or didn’t do could affect my value. When I realized this, it changed my whole perspective. I realized that I had been living partly from a place of desperation to try to “earn” my worth. I think I had mistakenly believed that in order to keep improving I had to focus on my inadequacies. But all it did was make my inadequacies loom larger and kept me from improving.
When I decided to believe that I was 100% valuable no matter what, it made the journey of self-improvement so much faster and easier because I was working on the person I wantedto be and what I wantedto become instead of who I hadto be in order to be valuable and lovable. Knowing I was completely lovable and worthy as I wasallowed me to love myself. Loving myself let me reach out to others and love them. I realized I was already Superwoman. I just needed to reclaim my cape.
Seeing and Believing Your Value
You are infinitely valuable and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it. Your diamond is there. It doesn’t matter what others appraise you as. You can drop it in the mud or put it on the fanciest ring setting available. It won’t change the value of your diamond. Understanding this is powerful. Your value simply is. It is a gift from our creator. There is no big mystery or a long odyssey to it. Becoming a true superwoman who knows her worth means simply deciding to see it believe it. Once you do, you recognize the superpower it brings is unfathomable.
